Well, not because of my kids - but because I think I gave his Lordship .........WAY TOO MUCH Senakot! I spent most of the day changing diapers. T'is terribly hard on my old arms to change the diapers and sheets under a large man - but hey ho! Who said it was going to be easy? AND - when I got up at 4:30 this morning to empty his catheter bag - ARGGGGG - there was more of the same!
Life is hard - for some of us - and the rest of us just complain!
My son came to see me and give me hand. He wasn't feeling well but he did a good job of pulling out the dirty sheets from under Mr. Indi's big bum - it's easier with 2 people ! Mike also helped me with preparing drug doses and and walking up and down the hall at least one hundred times.
I wish that Mike would have been feeling better - we could have had a few drinks - but hey ho! And, I'm hoping that he is better today. I would like to have seen my granddaughters - but that didn't happen. As I said.......life's a bitch!
I had another meeting with the woman that has applied for the carer job. She is no fool (has a BS degree) - and has worked around terminal patients before. I'm not used to anyone who is so caring - open - knowledgeable - and willing to help me look after John. I cried a lot today. - Should I hire her? I don't know! I need to look after him - but I also need a little time to myself - what to do!
Each day gets harder - I dread waking up in the morning to face a diaper full of crap and a bag full of piddle! But I love John - and have to carry on.
The picture is from my Mother's Day flowers.
4 comments:
Girlfriend .... I think the time has come for you to get some help .... I empathise with you ... and know what it's like to be a caregiver 24/7...... extremely stressful and tiring ...
honey ! even if you had somebody 3/4 mornings a week ... it would help you tremendously and give you the strength to go on ... I know you want to be there all the time but .... you have to give yourself a break !
I can "hear " the stress .... don't make me come there and do an intervention on you !!
And another thing ....... remember how you are very much loved by so many people !!
Thats even better than chocolate !
INDI ... I'M GOING TO SHOUT because I don't think you are listening !
Its all very well you loving Himself to bits, and of course you want to care for his every need, and that's right ... BUT YOU NEED TIME TO YOURSELF occasionally to relax, go out with a friend, have some fun. Ask Himself ... if he's the man I think he is I'm sure he'd agree.
I've never quoted the Bible at you, but am about to do so just the once ... Jesus says 'Love your neighbour AS YOURSELF ...' which means you need to love yourself as much as you do your neighbour (i.e. Himself !)... as far as I'm concerned its THE order from on high ... so take the almighty's advice just this once ... PLEASE ??
If you feel the carer is the right person, have her there for a few visits with yourself there also ... then go out for an hour and see how she gets on; then leave her to it for several hours ... you'll find you can then love Himself all the more, all the better, and will have things to talk to him about while cleaning up the poo. It won't be all stress like it is now.
Go on Indi ... LOVE YOURSELF for an hour or so every day.
Lots of love to you and John ... and many, many cyber-hugs.
XX Granny.
P.S. Do you have criminal checks on carers like we do here in UK ? Make sure her's is up to date and valid ... its sensible.
IPA
What you're carrying around with you is a "bag of rocks" a.k.a. "guilt."
Google Loretta LaRoche, OMG you'd pee ya pants if you ever had a minute to watch her on PBS.
My friend, do yourself a favor and hire the lady for a few hours a week, don't worry hospice will let you know when you need to stay close by (as if you need me to tell ya) Set down that bag of rocks and give yourself some away time.
If I may be so forward as to suggest, go out to lunch and on your way home buy a red rose for mr. indi, a bottle of champagne to share with him and some chocolate covered strawberries which you should feed to mr. idni one by one, with a few kisses in between and rent a copy of a Loretta LaRoche's CD from Blockbusters. Best put on your own depend garment because You'll laugh until you cry and it will be good for both of you.
Always in my thoughts
xoxoxo
Lexi
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