The Funeral

Yesterday, we had our Memorial for John. It was a lovely service and after the proceedings, I was able to bring John home in a beautiful rosewood box. It gives me great comfort to know that he is here with me.

Many people turned out for the funeral, including lots of John's workmates and many of our friends. We were also fortunate that John's son, Eric, was able to make the trip from Colorado to be with us. What a special visit that was.

We were also happy to see John's sister who travelled over from Tucson and she was joined by other Dominican sisters who have known John since he was a baby. We were so grateful for their presence.

I would like to thank everyone who helped in giving John a good "send-off" - with a special thanks to Susan who drove from San Diego and was of great assistance with kitchen duties! Love you girl!

I must now rest - and cry - and try to carry on.

I will not be writing this blog again. Maybe - when I have healed - I will start another blog - but for now just know that I love and appreciate each and every one of you you have given me support as John and I travelled down this long road.

An Everlasting Memorial has been posted on the web at: www.mem.com

The Last Journey

It was a gruelling 3 hours at the mortuary yesterday - but I think I have got things organized the way that John would have wanted them.

John will be cremated - probably on Monday. His memorial service will be on Tuesday, June 9, 2009 at 1 p.m. It will be a celebration and a remembrance of John's life. The service will be at Pierce Brothers Crestlawn Mortuary on Arlington Avenue in Riverside, California. In lieu of flowers, we are asking that donations be made to The American Cancer Society in the name of John Bridenbecker.

We will be holding a wake - an Irish wake for his Irish roots - on Monday evening June 8, 2009. The celebration will begin at 6:30 p.m at Applebees Restaurant on Limonite Ave, Mira Loma, California. We look forward to meeting with family, friends, neighbors and co-workers to chat about the good times that we have known with John and to raise a toast to him.

The picture was taken many moons ago at Virginia Beach, Virginia. John loved the sea.

The Bravest Man I Have Ever Known

My husband was the bravest man that I have ever known. Oh, he was terrified of heights and would not go swimming in the ocean for fear that a shark would swallow him whole - BUT - he battled the horrible disease of prostate cancer for almost seven years with guts and dignity and more bravery than I could ever muster.

For over six long years he took everything that the medical community could throw at him and yet he carried on with his life and with his work without a complaint about his illness.

He had a radical prostatectomy when first diagnosed - but the cancer cells were already in his lymph glands and he knew from that day that this dreadful disease would kill him

He had many, many sessions of chemotherapy - some lasting as long as 8 hours - but after one day of rest, he would be back up at 3:00 a.m. and driving 40 miles to his office.

He endured years of female hormone treatments that made him terribly ill with hot flashes and blood pressure problems but he never complained - rather, he often remarked on how hard it must be for women to go through menopause and how he wished that he could have understood my 'hot thingies' earlier

He had two sessions of radiation treatment. The first session comprised of one treatment every day for five days a week for a total of six weeks. He arranged to have the treatments late in the afternoon so that he could go to work in the morning. He never missed one day of work during that time.

After the prostate cancer had metastasized into bone cancer and he became paralyzed, he arranged to work from home and up until 2 weeks ago he could be found bashing away on his computer at 5 a.m.

He was kind - He was generous - He was brave.

I posted this picture because this is the way I shall always remember my handsome, funny, clever Mr. Indi.

The End

My darling John left me at 12:15 a.m this morning. The last two days were such a struggle for both of us - but now he is free of pain and I am free of worry.
He will be forever in my heart.
Thanks for all the kind messages - will write more later today.
xxxxxxxxxx

When Will It Come?

I am taking five minutes off - I have been sitting next to my darling husband all day as he fights. He will not go gentle into that goodnight - Dylan Thomas.
I can do nothing now except hold him and love him and wait until he finds the peace that he deserves.
He is so afraid - and I want to help him get past that fear. It is all so cruel.

Another Update

John is still hanging on - although it does appear that his organs are shutting down. He has become quite swollen and while the nurse prescribed Lasix for water retention, it doesn't seem to be doing much good. He is very confused and tried to get out of bed yesterday. So, I can no longer leave the house without someone to watch over him. He hasn't eaten anything but a slice of toast in the last 2 days. The nurse said not to force the issue.

No sleep last night - I hope I can get a little rest this afternoon.

Thanks for all the kind wishes - Love you all.

A Little Update

After a terrible day, John seemed to come around last evening and was more or less "with us" for a couple of hours. He ate a little dinner and went back to his drowsy state at about 8.pm.

He is sleeping this morning and has been on oxygen all night. I changed him and made him tea at 3:30 a.m but the tea has not been drunk. The nurse will be here at 8 - I'm not sure what today will bring.